


Specks of Spaghetti Sauce on a Spotted Tablecloth

by puff22_2001



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Identity Issues, Multi, but I tried to be explicit, the poly nature of the Inner Soldiers is incidental to this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24691618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puff22_2001/pseuds/puff22_2001
Summary: Mako makes Mina dinner and lets her grieve.
Relationships: Aino Minako & Kino Makoto, Inner Senshi/Inner Senshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Specks of Spaghetti Sauce on a Spotted Tablecloth

“Do you miss it?” Mina asks casually as she stirs her spaghetti, speckling the table in bright red sauce. Mako might say something on a different day, but the forced nonchalance in Mina’s voice gives the taller girl pause.

“Miss what?” Mako has some idea of what Mina means, but over the years she’s learned that drawing Mina to voice her feelings generally leads to better emotional returns.

Those returns have been diminishing lately, and it scares Mako.

“Sailor duties.” Mina keeps stirring, her movements deliberate in their idleness.

“You’re spotting the table.” Mako says gently. She’s not avoiding the question, as Mina herself might. She’s just giving herself time to process.

“It’s been over a year. And Crystal Tokyo--well, who knows?” Mina stops spinning her fork and instead lets it clink onto her plate. “We’re not doing anything.”

“I’d say just getting to be normal is something.”

“We’re not normal, Mako.” There’s an edge of bitterness that Ami and Rei would hear, too, if they were around. But they’ve taken Usagi on their annual “Original Trio” trip to the beach, to the no-longer-literally-haunted resort from their youth.

Mako feels a thread of envy wrap uncomfortably tight around her happiness for her girls. They go on all-team trips, too, and they all have their own pair-and-trio activities. Their relationship--this beautiful love they all share--wouldn’t work otherwise.

But only Mako understands most deeply how abandoned Mina feels at times like these.

“No, we’re not.” Mako smiles through the pain. “But it’s nice to pretend, isn’t it?”

“I guess.” Mina is usually lively and vibrant, energy and gold. It breaks Mako’s heart to see Mina as dull as this. This defeated.

“I thought you wanted peace.”

“I do. I don’t know, I do maybe. I thought I did.” Mina finally looks up from where she’s been staring at her plate. She’s flung one arm over her chair and has the opposite leg on Ami’s seat. Anyone other than one of her girls or Artemis would assume she was fine.

Mina is not fine.

“What do you miss?” Ami has been trying (with varying degrees of success) to get them all to analyze their thoughts more clearly. If they can’t get actual therapy due to secrecy, they can at least read books and try to untangle their thoughts as a team. Mako remembers that concrete questions can help. Be direct. Don’t answer for the other person. Don’t let your own attachment get in the way.

Mako still doesn’t have the handle on that one.

“I don’t know! I shouldn’t miss _anything_! I should be fucking ecstatic that nothing is trying to kill me and my girlfriends and the entire universe right now!”

Mako considers for a moment. Mina is still sprawled over her chair, but the look of pain in her eyes is clear.

“I miss using my powers.” Mako says as she takes her napkin and wipes away the spots of sauce near Mina’s hand laying on the table. Then she takes that hand in her own. “I miss being faster and stronger.”

“We’re still better than normal people.” Mina says with a spark of reluctant pride.

“Yeah, but we’re not as powerful in civvie form.”

Mina sighs then. That’s usually a good sign. “We’re weaker like this.”

“I miss hearing the thunder and understanding it right away. I really miss being able to scare assholes by just showing up.”

“I miss mattering.” Mina cuts in, angry and ashamed. Mako’s face falls in dawning understanding. She puts her other hand over Mina’s, cradling the rough fingers like jewels.

“You always matter, Mina.”

Mina doesn’t pull away, but she does finally sit up in her chair, if only to pick at the tablecloth with her free hand. “I don’t matter as a civilian like I do as a sailor.”

“You’re still leader even out of uniform.” Mako tilts her head to better meet Mina’s eyes. “We wouldn’t last a day without you.”

“You did, though. Weeks and weeks I watched you and you survived.”

“Usagi literally almost died on a weekly basis.”

Mina does give Mako a smile then. It’s small and sad, but it’s still a win as far as Mako is concerned.

“I still can’t believe she almost got her ass kicked by a priest in booty shorts.”

Mako laughs and lets go of Mina’s hand, only to get up and circle the table to her blonde girlfriend. The rest of dinner can wait. The mess, too.

Mina has waited too long and too much over the years.

Mako takes Ami’s freed chair, scoots forward, and takes Mina in her arms. Usagi claims that a Mako hug is like a soft piece of cake, sweet and warm. Mako tries to be as cake-like as possible for the woman hurting right now.

“I just miss being seen.” Mina says into Mako’s sizable shoulder. “It’s wrong and I hate it, but sometimes--”

“You wish something would try.” She’s answering for Mina and Ami would frown, but then they all do that from time to time.

Because, deep in their hearts, they all feel the same shameful ache.

“Yeah.”

“I do, too.”

Mako’s shoulder is slowly wetting with tears. Mako feels her own eyes fill in answering pain.

“I don’t think it’s wrong.” She says a bit later as Mina sniffles and pulls away slightly to wipe her nose on her sleeve. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be needed.”

“My mom would say I’m vain. Rei, too.”

“Rei says you’re vain when you spend an hour doing your hair.” Mako does look stern at that. “She doesn’t think it’s vain to want to help people.”

Mako laughs suddenly. “If anything, Rei wants to be a bigger deal than you.”

Mina softly giggles, and it’s like her golden sailor glow in audible form. “International Success Life--that’s Rei.”

“I think,” Mako says carefully, treasuring Mina’s returning cheer, “I think you can appreciate the peace and still miss the fight. Miss the fame and popularity. I think you can feel both.”

“I wouldn’t ever tell Usagi.”

“Maybe she’d understand.” Mako is surprised that she believes it. But Usagi can be selfish, too. Usagi wants the world, which is why she can fight for it so hard.

It’s why they all fight so hard for Usagi. Mina maybe the hardest of all.

Mina lays her head on Mako’s shoulder. There’s a quiet peace now, a weariness intertwined with acceptance.

“I’m glad I have you, Sparks.”

“No matter what, you’ll always matter to me, Love.” Mako cradles the woman in front of her. “To us all.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've always maintained that Minako is the Inner soldier most at odds with her destiny. If you include Codename Sailor V as part of your canon, Mina is the only Inner who had a somewhat decent life before becoming a soldier. Mina had friends and idols and sports. Mina also had her time as Sailor V, when she was the star. As much as she loves her girls, even in the anime you see the bitterness seep through occasionally.
> 
> Luckily Mako is the best.


End file.
